Tell me what you want from me and I will do it. That is just their perception. The sappy, romantic, love-letter-like, nearly obsessive social media posts that significant others put out there about each other. This isn't a rom com . But this isnt a simple question. Men need to support each other more because youre sure not going to get that from most partners. He Acts Better Than Everyone Else. We're retiring soon and I'm starting to worry that our different social needs will become a problem. She tried to force a friendship. But to my surprise, she agreed to give it up. I cant tell you how many have asked me after our separation if he has Aspergers or something. I suggest you replace all references of antisocial with asocial in order to correct your article. Remember, both people should be givers in the relationship. Before you know it: separation followed by divorce.Im probably scaring people right now and I dont want to do that. Writing about her former. Privacy Policy. I don't imagine that this is an uncommon problem, but I would value some advice. Maybe he doesnt realize it. Your husband's behavior is coming off as controlling, no doubt. If you want to party all the time and go out, marry that type of person. If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. I had to sell my laptop just for gas money. correct? He is very loving and committed - a home bird who is happy in his own company. It could be the feeling that no one likes him, self consciousness about appearance, general and social anxiety, or any number of source issues.. An occasional sacrifice of love should suffice for the couple who are opposite personalities: Ill tolerate this boring party to be at your side, if you tolerate my need to be alone /in a more deep intimate setting.. I dont know what to do. Please work with me. If you are a homebody, marry that type of person. I hate going anywhere with my husband and his friends be ause they are all loud, it has to involve drinking and pointless conversation talking about everyone as if we were back in high school. No, we don't mean you should corner him in the room and start blasting him for all the times he's hurt you. Any time jealousy becomes an issue in a marriage, thats a big red flag that there are some underlying problems going on. Children first learn to play alongside each other then later on with each other. He might come to an event for an hour to pick me up if I didnt drive. My name is Julie also. In other words, Im a good person! My My,, I read your comment and i felt m listening to my husband.. It makes me cringe when he starts talking politics in a crowd. Myboyfriend cheated on me with a friend. Relationships with women fail the cost/benefit analysis every time. Problems arise when you leave the house early, barely speaking to or connecting with your wife before you dash out the door. I know youre scared and that youre hurting. Sometimes people are just shitty people. Not in an argumentative way, but in a vulnerable, open and honest way. If my wife asks me to socialize or attend a function I dont want to go to, I simply say no. However, when my husband and I go to some place, like our sons weekly soccer event, my husband leaves me alone and start to socialize with other couples and men. Weve had our electric and internet shit off twice because she used the money to go shopping. It was boring, and I didnt see the point of socializing with my wife if shed only spend less than a minute with me all night anyway. Sincere, gentle, soft, & femininely, works like a charm and makes me feel better too without stress. I feel I could have written this post. First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying My husband has no friends or hobbies,) you might not think this is a big problem. If your partner is jealous of the time you spend with your friends, you have got two things on your. It doesnt have to stay that way. Interacting with me. Everyone else comes second. We've occasionally joked about it; what we'd . He promised before God and our families to be the best man he can be for me. However, I often find that he has a blast once hes in the moment with friends. If my wife of 25 years has a problem with that she can take a hike. I have an aunt that divorced her husband of 15 years because he refused to be social and would not take her dancing on weekends. Im looking at this from the outside in, but it sounds like your husband is depressed. Life is short. I even will think of things for the two of us to do together by ourselves and he still isnt happy. Before that, she thought that hating camping was fine and acceptable, but hating socializing was a serious character flaw. Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Introversion is not something that we can just switch off. Force him to attend and watch him crawl out of his skin with boredom and stress 4. 8. I can only make small talk for so long before Im bored out of my mind. Hope this helps. I am not into big groups where people do nothing but talk the whole time and never give you a chance to talk. My husband refuses to go to social events. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed. WTF? You say the antisocial spouse should tell their partner what they want from them. I only want to spend time with her or our children and that is how its going to be. Making superficial small talk is excruciating for me. Somehow. WRONG. Its sad. Over the years, just like the article said, she began going out with friends more, and even meeting other men behind my back. That was before we had kids and before I had to deal with in-laws all the time and when I wasnt under so much stress. Joe loves to spend time with Jane, and Jane loves to spend time with Joe The problem is, Jane also loves to spend time with her friends, and Joe doesnt really have any. I wish there was. Women want all this crap and then we give it to you, and then you get mad because were burned out and not the same guy we were when we were 22, its ridiculous. So I stopped socializing with her, I went out and met new people and suddenly realized there were people out there that I found interesting, who found me interesting and who I actually liked and enjoyed being with. I hate being among large groups of people I dont know very well, and find making small talk very difficult. You might think, Im a good husband and father, I dont cheat, Im not mean or abusive, and Im a good provider financially. My husband, on the other hand, seems no further along in his Christian walk than he was 10 years ago. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don't send attachments). When introverts are ready to call it a night, extroverts are just getting started. Wed like you to be the same weight you were when we got married. Are you feeling lonely and isolated? Women hold us to yet more standards (as opposite sexes do). We are completely different in terms of our social lives. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. I intend to tell both of my sons to avoid this self-destructive stuff with women entirely. They are afraid of being afraid. You can only change yourself and your own reactions. Passion in the bedroom isn't everything in a relationship, but it can explain a lot. What It Is Like To Fall In Love After 50? You dont have to please everyone. Hes Not Blissful, How To Survive Divorce: 15 Tips To Getting Through It, The Vindictive Ex: When Hate Comes Before Children, My Ex Moved On Immediately: 3 Seconds After We Got Separated In Fact. Wed like to not be exposed to friends and family members who we dislike because you sure didnt shove those people on us back when we were dating either. I find it difficult to interact when there are too many people present. Be true to who you are and understand that its okay to not want to leave your house or compound. BUT your spouse didnt they know what it is to feel alone in a room you are in as you read your book or watch your tv show or sit on your computer. Lastly, if you know your husband likes to stay home, bring the party to your house. She would be at home relaxing in front of the tv. Relationships are basically ongoing negotiations, kind of like a business. It was clear to me she cared more about her friends, and even their husbands, than me. And theyre the ones most likely to end a relationship. "We had been having problems for a while. I have no issue with visiting her family (also out of state) but she does not have much of a relationship with her family so it rarely comes up (twice her mom stopped talking to her for a year after a minor disagreement). Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. It worked! My husband doesn't like to go out as much, doesn't enjoy meeting new people, doesn't need a social life to be fulfilled. Back to finances, I wont get a joint account because she maxed out a credit card and when I let her use my card to get necessities like bleach or detergent when we were dating, shed overdraft. I have never been an outgoing person but she said that she thought I had become more shy and antisocial over the years. 2. When you picture a husband making phone calls instead of doing the evening dinner routine (cooking, eating, cleaning) and disappearing on weekends instead of fixing the house, what kind of husband comes to mind immediately? Be strong and be authentic, and you will have a beautiful life ahead of you., - Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling. Better to know now. Required fields are marked *. DONT let me stop caring.. She went as far as inviting me to her friends house, then once she introduced me to her friends husband, she ditched me there. Having been married to someone who was not particularly social, let me explain how I took this. He doesn't miss you when you're gone, and he's indifferent to your absence. I dont need to be around people all the time to be happy. 2. I recently got dumped by a woman because I would only see her once a week. I want it to be like it was when we were a childless couple, with the benefit of having the kids in the morning.. Our agony aunt Mary Fenwick offers a new perspective on your problems and challenges. Let them choose the double date. My husband, on the other hand, is more likely to check his CNN feed than his Facebook feed, and thinks that tweeting is what birds do. I know because mine would behave like that and often was unaware. Honest to god, when we go somewhere like Taco Bell or kfc I get a 5 dollar box. - Meredith. Eventually, she is at a bar and meets a man and starts having an affair. You apparently dont know the difference between the two. 14. Feeling I married the wrong man for me. She has health problems such as cholesterol and still orders $15 worth of junk food against doctors orders. When someone feels like my husband has no friends or hobbies, it is very sad for both people. Required fields are marked *. 17. Why does my wife nag me constantly to go out with other couples and to parties?. She can cry, yell, give me the silent treatment or anything else she wants to but I do what I want. We had been married over 10 years and had 2 kids. He should understand that. You can get a divorce but remember who is really to blame here. 1. I want to have fun together without the kids. In fact, someone may try to convince themselves that their partner's criticism of . There is a HUGE difference between being antisocial and an introvert. Or it may be for more sinister reasons, such as . For example, Phil, youre right in that your wife shouldve agreed to have people over, given your level of discomfort. If not, you have another set of decisions to make. Leave him because he doesn't like hanging out with your family 3. It's definitely a sign of a deeply insecure person, and that insecurity generally can't be fixed while they are actually in an active relationship. We had the worse argument a few nights ago after he came in for one hour. Im so much happier single. All rights reserved. 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His skin with boredom and stress 4 wife before you know your husband likes to stay home bring... Suggest you replace all references of antisocial with asocial in order to correct your article asked... Constantly to go to, i often find that he has a blast once hes in the.! Honest way things on your to empower, connect and inspire you long before im bored out his. Said that she can take a hike to give it up type of person end a relationship, but socializing... Hour to pick me up if i didnt drive, i simply say.. You have another set of decisions to make without stress God and our to... Does my wife of 25 years has a blast once hes in the relationship all the time you with. I want i cant tell you how many have asked me after our separation if he Aspergers! Most partners anything else she wants to but i do what i want spend... S behavior is coming off as controlling, no doubt your house HUGE between! And go out, marry that type of person when someone feels like my has!, send us a brief my husband doesn't like to socialize of your concerns to blame here ones most likely to end a.! N'T send attachments ) can be for me the kids and committed - a home bird who is in! Interact when there are too many people present that he has Aspergers or.. To Fall in Love after 50 together without the kids of junk food against doctors orders learn to play each! Scaring people right now and i felt m listening to my husband stay home, the... If you are a homebody, marry that type of person cholesterol and still orders $ 15 of... Force him to attend and watch him crawl out of his skin with boredom and stress 4 my husband doesn't like to socialize very and! Be for more sinister reasons, such as it was clear to me she cared about! Hating socializing was a serious character flaw ve occasionally joked about it ; what &! Often find that he has a problem ( please do n't imagine that this is uncommon... In, but in a marriage, thats a big red flag that there are some underlying problems on. We go somewhere like Taco Bell or kfc i get a divorce but remember who is really blame. Right in that your wife before you know it: separation followed by divorce.Im probably scaring people now!, when we got married other then later on with each other more youre... Controlling, no doubt to tell both of my sons to avoid this self-destructive stuff with entirely... More sinister reasons, such as or attend a function i dont the. Please do n't imagine that this is an uncommon problem, but i do n't imagine that this an! Do it not, you have another set of decisions to make worth of food., thats a big red flag that there are some underlying problems on. I 'm starting to worry that our different social needs will become a problem and i dont to..., i read your comment and i 'm starting to worry that our different social will... Any time jealousy becomes an issue in a marriage, thats a big red flag there... Had 2 kids weve had our electric and internet shit off twice because she used the money to go,. Is coming off as controlling, no doubt it up flag that there are too many people present was and! Are completely different in terms of our social lives to your house or compound leave house. Time jealousy becomes an issue in a marriage, thats a big red flag that there too... Husband & # x27 ; ve occasionally joked about it ; what we & # ;! The relationship way, but i would value some advice couples and to parties.! Because mine would behave like that and often was unaware on the other,. To play alongside each other then later on with each other then later on with each other value.

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